see/think

Thoughts on Pragmatism as a life philosophy

I am way more pragmatic than society lets on females ever are. Practicality paired with some optimism are in every choice I make. Sometimes I wish things were more fair so I live in a world where they are, then life reminds me our ideas of justice have so much more room for development as a society. Ultimately I adore science and the diversity implicit in the universe. I strive for more understandings and equality because it is most reasonable to do so if one is to truly appreciate all the potential the human species has. I want to see our species thrive and we cannot do so without logic, diversity and justice. I am a pragmatic optimist. I want the whole world to fall in love with books and for white supremacy to be eradicated. I'm happy to be a drop in this ocean of humanity.
light, create, hand

Curtains

Higher powers
Grant me the Serenity
to Accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I Can
and the Wisdom to know the Difference

Oh jeeze. I will be seeing a lot of people I haven't seen in a long time in the beginning of May.

______________________________________________

Closing and opening
we don't have wounds anymore
we have curtains.
There is a way in between yours and mine
Not everything is owned by a person.

So, what if I write you in my novel?
What if your heart pumps out words for me to mold and sing to you?
Maybe seeing me will change things.
Change isn't written by us.

But the amount of love I have for you is enough
no matter how you feel
to circulate through me
for years
and keep my hands moving over this page
with this line
with the stories wanting to be written.
My eyes soften and my body falls into sleep without you
because I am heavy and tired.

The color in the center of my iris will keep on showing,
the strum of my hands over the keys will continue.
Reciprocity aside
I have a whole heart inside
producing all the sounds my lungs need to hear
thump thump thump
consistent
whole
full
between
the ins and outs of my breath.
We don't have wounds anymore,
we have curtains.
  • Current Mood: hopeful hopeful
  • Current Music: To Zion- Lauryn Hill
Forest, beautiful purple sky, oxygen, biologically productive, widsom

Asymmetrical

The crevices in my palms
still know you
I'm burning branches
but I don't want to see them burn anymore
They belong to my favorite trees
I can build shelter with them
To keep me safe from this downpour
to fill every imprint and every pore in my body

I want to come forward with wind in my eyes
A smile stuck inside
Like a moth with a home route
It flies and dies
it doesn't regret anything
Knowing love is not symmetrical
but the math works out in the end

I have these thumbs
And like all thumbs they press things
To close and open to always release
Without grace they grasp
Often in haste they push
They just want to be big and useful

To be part of the shield from the sun
Hovering by your brow so you may see the lack of symmetry in butterflies' wings
the calm in my eyes moving in me to meet your synchrony
The trees they discuss
They are pages already hearing and saving our words
I feel them speak through my hands
There are pieces of you made for pieces of me
My palms are ready
Tags: ,
Lost Unicorn

Life is confusing.

I'm very anxious. I feel confused and disoriented. All these new people in my life, this new job, letting go of people, anger, resentment, codependent feelings and discomfort, losing Chloe, losing Dad. Grieving is hard. I feel so fucking strange.

I'm glad I got anxiety medicine. I really feel weird. The things I want to do are so strangely placed away from me. It is so hard to describe. Once Chloe is gone I will have SO MUCH more freedom and clarity. Then I can focus on getting my car shit worked out like renewing my license and getting the DEQ test done, also saving up money and moving out hopefully by May 1st but more likely with the trip coming up in May it will make more sense to wait to move until June 1st. I really want to live closer to my yoga studio, even though I'm not crazy about Sellwood. There is really good nature over there, but if there isn't a grocery store that's not classist that will be a deal breaker. I really need to live with vegetarians. So, wherever that is probably is where I will move into.

I'm so terrified to put down roots. It is the weirdest fear. I feel like it's just safer to move around all the time. But it really looks like I'm going to be in Portland until Graduate school January 2018. I feel so much anxiety about the future. I think a lot of people in my generation do. It is really fucking tough. I'm grateful for people I have met in Portland who like me no matter what they get to know about me. I feel accepted.

My character defects are becoming more apparent to me all the time. Especially now that I'm actually seeing someone for the first time in a long time. I have all these weird parts of me and thoughts and feelings I haven't had a chance to process. I really need alone time. I'm going to lay down for 15 minutes before I need to leave for work.
  • Current Mood: anxious anxious
  • Current Music: Loro- Pinback