Vogue- Madonna Closer- NIN Nothing Compares to You- Sinead O'Conor I Want it That Way- Backstreet Boys Baby Got Back- Sir Mix a Lot Bittersweet Symphony- The Verve Waterfalls- TLC Baby One More Time- Britney Spears Smells Like Teen Spirit- Nirvana Under the Bridge- RHCP No Scrubs- TLC Wannabe- Spice Girls Can't Touch This- MC Hammer Lauryn Hill- Doo Wop This is How We Do It- Montell Jordan California Love- 2pac Underneath it All- No Doubt Survivor- Destiny's Child Sex & Candy- Marcy Playground UNITY- Queen Latifah All the Small Things- Blink 182 Loser- Beck Buddy Holly- Weezer Sabotage- Beastie Boyz In the End- Linkin Park Steal My Sunshine- Len Everlong- Foo Fighters Killing in the Name Of- Rage Against the Machine Mo Money Mo Problems- BIG Californication- RHCP Chop Suey- System of a Down Clint Eastwood- Gorillaz Girl on Fire- Alicia Keys Such Great Heights- Postal Service Knocked Up- Kings of Leon Miss Independent- Kelly Clarkson Crazy- Gnarls Barkley One More Time- Daft Punk Hey Ya- Outkast 99 Problems- Jay Z Clocks- Coldplay Rehab- Amy Winehouse Lose Yourself- Eminem My Girls- Animal Collective Same Love- Macklemore Just Dance- Lady Gaga Chandelier- Sia
I am way more pragmatic than society lets on females ever are. Practicality paired with some optimism are in every choice I make. Sometimes I wish things were more fair so I live in a world where they are, then life reminds me our ideas of justice have so much more room for development as a society. Ultimately I adore science and the diversity implicit in the universe. I strive for more understandings and equality because it is most reasonable to do so if one is to truly appreciate all the potential the human species has. I want to see our species thrive and we cannot do so without logic, diversity and justice. I am a pragmatic optimist. I want the whole world to fall in love with books and for white supremacy to be eradicated. I'm happy to be a drop in this ocean of humanity.
Higher powers Grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change Courage to change the things I Can and the Wisdom to know the Difference
Oh jeeze. I will be seeing a lot of people I haven't seen in a long time in the beginning of May.
Closing and opening we don't have wounds anymore we have curtains. There is a way in between yours and mine Not everything is owned by a person.
So, what if I write you in my novel? What if your heart pumps out words for me to mold and sing to you? Change isn't written by us.
But the amount of love I have for you is enough no matter how you feel to circulate through me for years and keep my hands moving over this page with this line with the stories wanting to be written. My eyes soften and my body falls into sleep without you because I am heavy and tired.
The color framing center of my iris will keep on showing, the strum of my hands over the keys will continue. Reciprocity aside I have a whole heart inside producing all the sounds my lungs need to hear thump thump thump consistent whole full between the ins and outs of my breath. We don't have wounds anymore, we have curtains.
The crevices in my palms still know you I'm burning branches but I don't want to see them burn anymore They belong to my favorite trees I can build shelter with them To keep me safe from this downpour to fill every imprint and every pore in my body
I want to come forward with wind in my eyes A smile stuck inside Like a moth with a home route It flies and dies it doesn't regret anything Knowing love is not symmetrical but the math works out in the end
I have these thumbs And like all thumbs they press things To close and open to always release Without grace they grasp Often in haste they push They just want to be big and useful
To be part of the shield from the sun Hovering by your brow so you may see the lack of symmetry in butterflies' wings the calm in my eyes moving in me to meet your synchrony The trees they discuss They are pages already hearing and saving our words I feel them speak through my hands There are pieces of you made for pieces of me My palms are ready
I'm very anxious. I feel confused and disoriented. All these new people in my life, this new job, letting go of people, anger, resentment, codependent feelings and discomfort, losing Chloe, losing Dad. Grieving is hard. I feel so fucking strange.
I'm glad I got anxiety medicine. I really feel weird. The things I want to do are so strangely placed away from me. It is so hard to describe. Once Chloe is gone I will have SO MUCH more freedom and clarity. Then I can focus on getting my car shit worked out like renewing my license and getting the DEQ test done, also saving up money and moving out hopefully by May 1st but more likely with the trip coming up in May it will make more sense to wait to move until June 1st. I really want to live closer to my yoga studio, even though I'm not crazy about Sellwood. There is really good nature over there, but if there isn't a grocery store that's not classist that will be a deal breaker. I really need to live with vegetarians. So, wherever that is probably is where I will move into.
I'm so terrified to put down roots. It is the weirdest fear. I feel like it's just safer to move around all the time. But it really looks like I'm going to be in Portland until Graduate school January 2018. I feel so much anxiety about the future. I think a lot of people in my generation do. It is really fucking tough. I'm grateful for people I have met in Portland who like me no matter what they get to know about me. I feel accepted.
My character defects are becoming more apparent to me all the time. Especially now that I'm actually seeing someone for the first time in a long time. I have all these weird parts of me and thoughts and feelings I haven't had a chance to process. I really need alone time. I'm going to lay down for 15 minutes before I need to leave for work.